Brian & Buffy: Ep -05- : Blue Screen of Homophobia

Hay guys, have you seen Willow?


No buffy, i haven't seen her all day.


Me either.


That's odd, she usually serves me breakfast in bed.


Uhhh, ain't you a robot?


Yeah, why?


Why do you need breakfast?


fuck if i know, she always serves me breakfast in bed - i told her to quit - that the liquids might short me out - i even changed the locks... 5 times.


Well maybe she took your advice, and quit.


Well i need to talk to her, it's super important. I just remembered that i'm running windows XP. Which has a restore feature!


Yeah, that's a good thing!


NO IT'S NOT! Remember Fred Phelps installed that Trojan in me. Willow deleted it, but i need to know if she also removed it from my restore folder - if not, i could be re-infected if i have an error and try to restore.


Well, don't restore, duh!


FUCK TARD! She'll automatically restore if she has any serious issue! This is dangerous, i remember what the Trojan does!


WHAT?!


Makes her show us her titties to make us straight! You must have suppressed the shear horror of it all.


That was only phase 1 - there was 5 more stages. We need to find willow NOW!


Indeed, but where is she?! Where do lesbians hang out?


A Sporting Event?!


No, softball is out of season, but good guess... Ummm...


HOME IMPROVEMENT STORE!


YES! But Which One!? Lowes or Home depot.


LOWES! It's closer to her home!


Let's roll out!


[AT LOWES]


I can't find her anywhere... lets ask customer service to page her.


How may i help you?


Brian Peppers! I tried to get you a date last night, but she went all lesbian again.


Story of my life! How can i be of assistance, buffy?


Can you page our friend, willow?


I sure can, while you wait can i interest you in some coffee?


*Splash*


OH NO! You spilled coffee on me!!!
ERR... ERR... SHUT-DOWN IN PROGRESS
BEEP BEEP... RESTORING IN PROGRESS
BEEP BEEP... REBOOT COMPLETE!


Buffy, is that you?


YES, FA--- BRIAN IT IS.


WHEW! I guess she did delete the Trojan in the restore folder after all. Close call!


WATCH OUT!


FAGS LOOK INTO MY EYES!


OMG! I LOOKED - TURN AWAY JOHNATHAN!


TOO LATE


HAHAHAHAHA! Thanks Brian Peppers for helping us restore the Trojan!


Anytime! Now can i go rape someone?


AS LONG AS IT'S A WOMAN, I DON'T CARE... Muhahahahah!


Muhahahahahah!


Now for you three, come with me to my lab...


Affirmative


10-4


Yes, Sir.


Now that we've finished in the lab, it's time to test your conversion skills. Convert... SAN FRANCISCO!


HOLD THAT THOUGHT MOTHERFUCKER!


DYKE! It's too late!


OMG! BRIAN - JOHNATHAN?!


Pussy is good.


Pussy is fine.


If Pussy was on a Bagel


We could have pussy all the time.


OH MY GOD! HOT SWEATY DICKS! I KNOW YOU LIKE THEM MOTHERFUCKERS!


PUSSY


PUSSY


FIREFIGHTERS! HOT SWEATY FIREFIGHTERS WITH BIG EQUIPMENT!


Fire... Dic... Sweaty... err... PUSSY


HOT SWEATY HAIRY FIREFIGHTERS FUCKIN HOT SWEATY FIREFIGHTERS WITH BIG EQUIPMENT!


Hairy... Fir... Sweaty... Err. Uhh... HAIRY PUSSY!


Fuck! Time to bring out the big guns. MASSIVE GANG BANG FULL OF HOT SWEATY FIREFIGHTERS PLAYING WITH HOT HOT HOT SWEATY EQUIPMENT ON OTHER HOT SWEATY FIREFIGHTERS SUCKIN' AND FUCKN'! SuCkIn' AnD fUcKiNg! SUCKIN' and FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKIN!


Where am i? I had the strangest dream.


OMG! BUFFY and PHELPS!


WILLOW! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN! Buffy had the Trojan in her restore folder and Brian Peppers spilled Coffee on her causing her to restore!


OMG I think he made me touch a pussy!


THAT SICK FUCK! I put a shutdown feature on buffy, i just shut her down remotely, get her out of there, now!


What are you going to do?!


I left to Auto Zone this morning...


AUTO ZONE!!! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! BUT WHY!? YOUR TRUCK IS FINE!


I HAD TWO GATLING GUNS MOUNTED ON IT...


OH SHIT!


YES, PHELPS, OH SHIT IS RIGHT. DIE!


*BANG**BANG**BANG**BANG**BANG**BANG**BANG**BANG**BANG**BANG**BANG*


*BOOM*


Brian Peppers, i suggest that you just walk away, or suffer my lesbian rage. I don't ever want to see your face in my town again! DO YOU FUCKIN' HEAR ME?!


Yes. But can i have the buffy-bot for... you know... sexual things?


No, that's my robo-slut. Be glad you're leaving with your life.


Yay WILLOW SAVES THE DAY!?!


But what about Buffy?


Let's take her back to my place, and i'll asset the damage.


[THE NEXT DAY]


So how does it look?


Her pussy port is in working shape, but as for her the rest of her not good...


Sniff...


So, can she be fixed?


Yes, but phelps put a hardware "Super Conservative, right-wing, agenda" chip in her. I cannot remove it. But i have developed a new chip that will suppress this chip to a point - it will have to do.


So, will she be the same old buffy?


unfortunately not. She's going to accept us being gay, but she's secretly going to judge us and think we're going straight to hell... "love the sinner, hate the sin" shit. She even might try to convert you once in awhile. Maybe with time, i can remove the chip Phelps put in, but that's some serious soldering going one.


He Soder-mized her..


... ...


what's this chip do? It looks brand new.


Uhhh... nothing...


WILLOW!


Fuck, it's a lesbian chip. It's malfunctioning, but basically 20% of the time she's now going to be a closeted lesbian.


who thinks she's going to burn in hell?


yes.


Well... i guess sunnydale will never be the same.


Well, life is a strange journey.


Indeed, your deep thoughts make me horny...


Peace Bitch!


Oh faggotism!